Her book Bad Mommy is fresh off the press and seems very promising. I will be offering you a review of this titillating book, along with a giveaway. Yes! One lucky winner will get the chance to win a hard copy of Bad Mommy. In the meantime, take the time to get to know the woman behind the Bad Mommy... or, as it may be, the Bad Mommy herself!
De-cloaking as a Bad Mommy
You know that thing. That thing where we all pretend we love being a Good Mommy more than everything-but secretly we kind of hate it, and ourselves , and society for setting us up for something we will never attain. You know THAT thing?
I decided to write a book about it. As “Bad Mommy” rolls out and hits the shelves, my dirty little secret-is finally out in the open. And it’s your dirty little secret too, mommy comrades. While I absolutely adore my kids, let me be clear on that-this whole Mommy thing, this cult of Mommy, this “Good Mommy” crap, that I deplore with every fibre of my being.
You see, before kids, I bought into the collective Good Mommy mythos, that all Mommies were inherently Good, and that being Good, was not only attainable, but easy, natural, the thing one ought to wish to be, and the very creature that one was designed to be. Alas, this was a grievous error, which first dawned on me in pregnancy when all the things I was reading and hearing about, and all the things I was personally experiencing, were not jiving at all. I was fat, crabby, and miserable. There was no “glow” no ecstatic earth-mother moments, I was puffy and irate. Then the birth itself, yikes! There was no beauty, no Gaia-like opening as a flower, no ecstasy and harmony. It was more like an open house at an abattoir.
This descent into failure continued with breastfeeding. It looked so damn simple in photos, so “natural” easy-peasy! Not so, as any woman who has actually breastfed knows. There is nothing innate or easy about it at all! The only easy thing is failure, that’s easy! Any even if you and baby “get it right” breastfeeding is so full of pitfalls and traps that you will, inevitably fail. Oh yes, that you will. Enjoy coffee? How about wine? How about cheese? Forget it. Breastfeeding Mommy is basically a filtration system for baby, and baby is very, very fussy.
And so it continues, and so it continued for me. Every step, a challenge, every challenge, a failure and I kept wondering what the hell was going on. Was it me? Was it just me? Was everyone else actually getting it? Actually loving it? Was I the only one full of doubt? Because according to the mommy groups I attended during the day, that seemed to be about it. Everyone was drinking the collective kool-aid of Good Mommy-everyone except me.
And then something strange happened. I started to forge friendships with these Good Mommies (in desperation) and something very, very strange occurred, but only at night, and only after wine (which they then lactated into their babies). It was then that the Good Mommies started telling the truth...they too were failing, they too were frustrated, full of doubt, thinking that it was only them. It was a conspiracy, you see. We were all part of it, all part of perpetuating the Good Mommy myth.
So that’s why I am publically de-cloaking as a Bad Mommy. That’s why I am standing up proud with 22 of my mommy comrades to speak our truth, our real truth because the truth shall set all of us free. Free to love ourselves, to support each other and to really love what we are doing-Mothering, freaking ugly fantastic, horrible frightening warts-covered Mothering. Look at me, I am flawed, my name is Willow Yamauchi, and I am a Bad Mommy, and I am proud.
I decided to write a book about it. As “Bad Mommy” rolls out and hits the shelves, my dirty little secret-is finally out in the open. And it’s your dirty little secret too, mommy comrades. While I absolutely adore my kids, let me be clear on that-this whole Mommy thing, this cult of Mommy, this “Good Mommy” crap, that I deplore with every fibre of my being.
You see, before kids, I bought into the collective Good Mommy mythos, that all Mommies were inherently Good, and that being Good, was not only attainable, but easy, natural, the thing one ought to wish to be, and the very creature that one was designed to be. Alas, this was a grievous error, which first dawned on me in pregnancy when all the things I was reading and hearing about, and all the things I was personally experiencing, were not jiving at all. I was fat, crabby, and miserable. There was no “glow” no ecstatic earth-mother moments, I was puffy and irate. Then the birth itself, yikes! There was no beauty, no Gaia-like opening as a flower, no ecstasy and harmony. It was more like an open house at an abattoir.
This descent into failure continued with breastfeeding. It looked so damn simple in photos, so “natural” easy-peasy! Not so, as any woman who has actually breastfed knows. There is nothing innate or easy about it at all! The only easy thing is failure, that’s easy! Any even if you and baby “get it right” breastfeeding is so full of pitfalls and traps that you will, inevitably fail. Oh yes, that you will. Enjoy coffee? How about wine? How about cheese? Forget it. Breastfeeding Mommy is basically a filtration system for baby, and baby is very, very fussy.
And so it continues, and so it continued for me. Every step, a challenge, every challenge, a failure and I kept wondering what the hell was going on. Was it me? Was it just me? Was everyone else actually getting it? Actually loving it? Was I the only one full of doubt? Because according to the mommy groups I attended during the day, that seemed to be about it. Everyone was drinking the collective kool-aid of Good Mommy-everyone except me.
And then something strange happened. I started to forge friendships with these Good Mommies (in desperation) and something very, very strange occurred, but only at night, and only after wine (which they then lactated into their babies). It was then that the Good Mommies started telling the truth...they too were failing, they too were frustrated, full of doubt, thinking that it was only them. It was a conspiracy, you see. We were all part of it, all part of perpetuating the Good Mommy myth.
So that’s why I am publically de-cloaking as a Bad Mommy. That’s why I am standing up proud with 22 of my mommy comrades to speak our truth, our real truth because the truth shall set all of us free. Free to love ourselves, to support each other and to really love what we are doing-Mothering, freaking ugly fantastic, horrible frightening warts-covered Mothering. Look at me, I am flawed, my name is Willow Yamauchi, and I am a Bad Mommy, and I am proud.
2 Fabulous Comments:
I am SUCH a fan of Ms. Yamauchi, and delighted she's outing herself as a bad mommy with this book. What a treat: talking openly about the fact that this whole motherhood thing is hard. And not in an anti-feminist way, not in a "you're a jerk if you liked it" kind of way, but in a way every woman I know will relate to. Good work, bad mommy!!
This is a really cute idea. I can't wait to hear more to pass it on to all of my new mommy friends. New follower, would love a follow back at http://sassyshopperreviews.blogspot.com/
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